IOWA 2008

I am hugely political. I follow it because who we elect is really important. Particularly now that the federal government is a giant morass full of self-serving egotists that we, collectively, have put into office, pay exhorbitantly for, and not fired enough on a regular basis. Why haven't we fired them? Because then we won't get OUR pork. It needs to stop. People who become successes shouldn't have to pay more taxes just because they work harder and longer. People who save shouldn't have their estates stolen when they die. Ah well, that is not the point of this. To be perfectly honest, at this point I am totally behind Ron Paul. Totally. But I know that might not work out. Even if he got elected, I don't know if he could DO anything. So here is the analysis of the Iowa results:

Barack Obama- the Tax man. Obama is probably pretty surprised by his success. He is the epitome of what white guilt and the blinding optimism of the underemployed can do. His catch phrase should be "Let them make and we will take it!!!" When I was 15, that would have sounded like a great idea. But, unfortunately, I had parents who didn't give me stuff but made me earn it. I put myself through almost all of my college and 100% of my graduate schooling. I still save like starving pack rat. And I don't want to give it away. So Obama, who looks eerily like someone with a heart defect- and I mean that in the physical way because I think he is probably a guy with a very fine emotional heart- scares me. First of all, I think he needs to be checked for Marfan's. Then he needs to find out why his lips are dark blue. That is not a natural color for lips, even in someone who is "biracial". I keep waiting for the news that he has dropped dead- much to everyone's surprise but mine. Oh, okay, I digress. Maybe in 8 years Obama can be ready. He is SO naive, so gullible and so unicorn tears, that I just can't see it happening. It's easy to steal money from hard working people- or the dreaded "rich"- but very hard to make a bloated government work and cut back. I don't think he can do it. And by the way- why is Barack Obama considered to be an "african american". He is his OWN race. He may be a mix of two races, but it is his white mother who stuck around. Yep. Dad went on the lam. It is impossible to be biracial. It's a NEW race. Let's all think up a great name for it. (Whack?)(Blite?)

Hillary Clinton- well, was this really a surprise? Some men have come right out and said it- and those men were democrats. They WANT to vote for a woman- maybe a woman who combines her brains and her womanness- like say, Elizabeth Dole. But they don't want to listen to a woman president who addresses their primal need to escape their mother and sometimes, their wife. Mrs Clinton has made some lethal errors in her campaign. There is a difference between confidence and arrogance. She says this time she will get the health care system "right". Oh really? The health care system is struggling because of the changes she made- with help from a bunch of useless academics from places like Princeton. Tons of very bright kids are no longer interested in medicine, leaving the field wide open for foreign educated physicians. She ruined health care and made it far harder for poor people to receive care. But the worst thing she did was keep that lying cheating son of a bitch in her bed. She's right- she is NO Tammy Wynette. She is a desperate, pathethic, ridiculous woman whose husband has a serious problem with his morals. The average checker at Target has more integrity about that. Then she insults women by implying she is smarter and less "hick" then the rest of us. Well, she is no girlfriend of mine. Screw her. I'm glad men are finally confessing that her voice makes them run to the golf course or bar.

John Edwards- Mr Edwards is a moral coward. He uses a dying wife and his small kids as sympathy getters. He would have my respect if he at least shut up and went home and took care of business in his 28,000 sq ft house with full gymnasium. He is the worst kind of person- he thinks he is worth millions simply because he can trick juries. How will he adjust to living in the crappy, old White House? Why vote for someone who is always looking for the angle? The government is a BUSINESS. Oh sure, Edwards knows how to talk. He has made millions manipulating juries. He knows what to say. But his wife is on her way out. He will be the sole parent to those two little kids. He is amoral and irresponsible. I can't wait to see the mud that will fly at him. In different phases of my life, I might have voted for Obama or Clinton. But never could I give up enough integrity to vote for a sleazy, ambluance chaser who takes 40-50% of settlement money that he squeezed out of insurance companies and doctors. What a jackass.

Mike "the Baptist" Huckabee- like an avenging angel, Huckabee has risen to the top with an almost ethereal ease. The lesson to the left is plain- there are ALOT of people who believe in God. There are ALOT of Christians in this Judeo-Christian nation. And most of them DON'T go to church or get all wound up speaking in tongues. But the left has demonized religion. If you vote Republican, then by definition you are a cross-carrying Bible thumper out to make everyone do it your way. Sometimes I wonder just what the hell those leftists are DOING to be so afraid of religion. What are you guys doing??And don't hand me that "Christians can't judge" crap. I've addressed that before. OF COURSE they can. We ALL judge everyone every day. We don't even need to be Christian to do that. Jesus judged people. The ten commandments are judgments on what is right or wrong. But because the left has poked religion so many times, and made people out to be racist and stupid and hypocritical for believing in their religion, now, even the people who don't go to church but sort of like a nativity scene, are all riled up. Yep, I said it. They are ALL RILED UP. And when you start poking people in their religion, then they will turn to the avenger. There are two sides to this one- and I see both of them. But when push comes to shove, I'd prefer a guy with some real religion in that office. I want him or her to think that someone else CAN punish them for stealing or lying or cheating. No one ever mentioned Clinton's religion- but they mentioned Reagan's. I don't know why the left doesn't want the right to have religion. So Huckabee has a lead right now and we will see how it works out. Everyone thought Kennedy would bring the Pope over. He didn't. But he almost got us all killed anyway. So I wouldn't worry about the religion of a candidate because I doubt Huckabee is going to have a lot of time to ban dancing in Peoria.

Mitt "the Mormon" Romney- notice the trend to indentify Republican candidates by their religion- just so voters are REALLY in the know that they might elect a Christian. And God only knows where THAT will take us all. I live near Mormon's. Sometimes, they visit. They look young and friendly. You don't see spiffy black ties like that anymore- even on morticians. Very clean and well prepared for disaster. If the big one hits up here, I am going to go visit all the Mormons I know. I can't even keep bottled water in my car let alone a year's worth in the gargage. One of my best friends got pregnant having sex (I guess that is self explanatory) in her dorm room at Brigham Young. (I don't know how she got a boy IN her dorm room back then). Her Mormon boyfriend hit the high road upon hearing the news. I have to say however, that his parents tried to stick around for her. But that is beside the point. Mother Nature wins out over religion most of the time anyway. Back to Romney. Romney looks like a president. He doesn't look like he will die any time soon (like Rudy and Barack and maybe McCain on a bad day). He is young enough to look optimistic yet old enough to look like he could do it. I can't invest much energy in Mitt. Yet. I don't care if he is a Mormon. That is not exactly like Scientology. I have to wait to see what happens here. I don't know what to think about him yet.

John "war hero from 40 years ago" McCain- proving that I, too, can be a waffler- I know one thing: McCain is probably the best candidate in the field. But he is too little, too late. His wife had some unfortunate drug issues (no worse than Obama, who is actually a candidate), and as I remember it involved theft of drugs from patients? No? Yes? Not the same as Betty Ford drinking nail polish remover or whatever that was. I can't look at Cindy McCain. But boy, does John McCain love that woman. So she must have something besides a huge leathery liver and a great plastic surgeon. McCain is the kind of guy I'd like for a neighbor. He seems so honest and so open and willing to change. But he also has a history of cancer, a wife with addiction issues, and he is getting old to pull the VietNam card. My brother was in VietNam- that doesn't mean squat now. I am sorry McCain has never had the charisma he needed. But he is toast.

Ron "get the feds OUT of my state" Paul- if ever a grass roots effort to get a candidate into office could succeed, maybe this will be the one. Ron Paul, an aging, Muppet (tm) faced libertarian masquerading as a Republican, speaks to my heart. I love you Ron Paul. I, too, cannot believe what has happened to our nation. Oh, it's not Iraq- if Iraq gets a democracy it will be the greatest story since crushing the Nazi's and Japanese. People love that as an issue but it isn't the issue. Thanks to those fighting over there, too. They are changing the world. I personally don't care if the middle east blows up-let France worry about it and I'll walk until we find gas. . But I am glad SOMEONE cares enough to go try to put one sane nation over there. But really, after the national defense and interstate highways- what the hell is the federal government there for? I'm sick of what congresspeople make for salaries and retirement while regulating MINE. Get the hell out of here. Go Go . Oh, Ron, Ron Paul- can I be your vice president?

Rudy "Mr 9/11"Guiliani- isn't he the anti-Hillary? He actually gets divorced. He throws his women to the curb like hookers on Sunday morning. I don't like him. Why? He is so skeletally unattractive- that's why. Just as Hillary is abrasive- this guy is just plain scary looking. Those teeth. Yeah- it's superficial. But I think he has (or had) a little too much fun. If you know what I mean. I don't want an emotionally complicated guy in office. I want a guy who loves his wife, preferably his first wife and maybe his second one but not his third. And I want a guy who looks like a president. Like Kennedy did, or Reagan. Clinton always looked like he was going to touch someone inappropriately. (ha and he did!) Jimmy Carter always looked scared and stupid. (no comment) I want a guy who looks like he was cast for the role. And Rudy, nice job on 9/11. But it isn't enough. Anyone can be a hero (well, except for the mayor of NO who ran to Dallas after Katrina) in an emergency. I need a reliable and somewhat predictable president. I get no feeling of that from what you say. And maybe others don't either? I do have to say I thank him for making New York City a place you can visit without being murdered or mugged. New York City, pre Rudy, was the most depressing, almost science fictional, experience of my life. It was truly dark, dangerous, dirty and brooding. In the late 70s, I couldn't get out of New York fast eough- and I'd only been there for 3 days. If you never saw it, you wouldn't believe it is the same place. Good job, Rudy. Now go retire or something.